Whispering Loudmouth: Pon&Zi, Memories of a Wannabe Emo Past

I remember Pon&Zi like it was yesterday. When I was in 7th grade, my friends and I were in this emo phase. It was quiet funny since being emo was associated with cool. I never got that. Why emo?

Well I guess the artwork for EMO is better than the artwork for PREPPY. But I guess it was something to associate myself with.

But I never can.

I can never frown in front of people. Always smiling.

But I'm not a manic depressive or anything.

Who knows? I'm always shocked when I see a friend of mine cut her wrist with a person's name that she liked. I was like, (Jackie Chang WTF face).

Then I guess, attention or just going totally Hardcore.

Who knows?

But please, do not ever cut yourself.

I was a wannabe. Give me a blade and I'll walk away.

Looking back, I would always feel so different. I've been the "FAT ONE" in the family for ages and I still am (sans mon pere). Whenever I meet my mother's friends, I always know that they will think, "How can this be your daughter?"

I guess it was mostly my insecurities, but I never felt 'right'.

Now, I feel happier. I guess it must be the shedding of 20 kgs. But it feels amazing.

Although sometimes I might get a bit moody, I'm hurt others and, even more, myself.

With great friends, I've never felt like the odd one out, but I always do.

It feels so weird to look back at an old photo and said, was that me.

I hope to make up for my unfulfilled childhood in the future.

One of my goals when I was younger was to be more confident in a swim suit.

Lately, I've just done that. I've shed of surfer wear, like the one below, as an exo-shirt. I hide my swim suit underneath this.

Now, I can bravely go out to the swimming pool and not give a damn at what people say. Sorta.

My most horrible experience was at camp. At that time, I wasn't self-conscious yet. So, my friend told me, after I left the pool, a guy said, "Thank god the elephant left."

Thankfully, I shunned that horrible mocking of me and went on to enjoy a good time at camp. I made friends to, so (Middle Finger) to you, bigot.

This last picture isn't insinuating anything. I just thought it looked pretty.
It reminds me of all the crushes I had and all the times I thought, "He must like me." Only to have my heart deflated.

I'm so happy I didn't associate any songs to KL or else I can never hear that song again.

When I was in 7th grade, I had this huge crush on a dude name Austin. So, my friend told me to dance with him at a school dance. The song: Far Away by Nickleback. I can never listen to that song the same again. Why? Well, I thought that he liked me. So then, after the dance, we chatted on msn. Then, omg. I can't even remember.

All I remember is sending an e-mail that said, I apologized for being a bitch.