Sometimes, bottling up your feelings is unhealthy.
So this is what I have been to lately:
- Writing Supplements
- Paying for College Apps Fee
- Worrying about Financial Proof Forms
I highly doubt I can get into university anymore. I've been missing deadlines and missing documents. Seriously, I am feeling sick now. I could barely sleep last night.
I waited till 4 am to call a university, but their phone line was busy. Then, I could not sleep from 4am to 6am because I was stressed out about Financial Proof documents. So, I had to cure my anxiety by sleeping in my grandmother's and aunt's room.
Somehow, the warmness of my grandmother, as I lay beside her, calmed my beating heart. I guess, even though my granny can be annoying, I have to cherish every moment with her.
I missed out on cherishing the moment with my other late-grandmother (father's side).
Before I left for Jakarta, my mother, my brother, and I had lunch. We started talking about my Opah.
I realize that she never showed us as much love because of timing. You see, my grandfather married again to another woman during the time around my parents' wedding. So, my Opah didn't really bothered as much with my parents' wedding because she has to deal with her drama.
When my brother and I were born, my step-aunts were also born around the same time (1993 and 1995). So, again. My mother said, "It's timing. I guess we remind her of her tough times."
But in a way, I regret not knowing my Opah as much. She was a great woman from what I read in my father's eulogy.
I guess, what I'm trying to say is... Don't forget the ones you love, you'll never know when they might just leave you.
Okay okay. So what was I writing about again? Oh yeah, college.
I hate it. Hate it. Hate it.
But I guess that's college for you.
I have re-designed by blogger. I think it looks nice. :)
I love the patterns. Maybe I'll make it my hobby to change it once a week or once a month.
I hope now that I can use colors.
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