But somehow, I wasn't feeling all to happy.
Then, disaster strikes.
My father and mother saw a picture of me resting my head on Prawn's shoulder. They were not very happy.
I got into an argument with my mom because she thinks that I'm not focusing on my studies.
So I left to Singapore with a very bitter taste in my mouth.
Luckily, I manage to solve the problem by promising to my mother that I will study and stuff, after crying on the phone.
Actually, I hate the month of February.
It is suppose to be the month of Love, but for me, I felt flat and I was slowly drifting away from him.
I guess it's because I was busy with my own stuff that I neglect people. (Sorry to you to Marshy)
So, during Valentine's Day, I was not as thrilled as I should be about getting flowers and chocolate from him. Also, I was not so excited that we have crossed the third month boundary with him.
Heck, I had a brief moment of liking KL again for ONE DAY in the beginning of Feb because I barely talk to Prawn and KL comforted me before my orals and I don't know. I had such a terrible start to February with Orals and what not.
I told Prawn about this, he seemed hurt but he forgave me. I guess it's my fault as well.
For his revenge (I guess), he told me that this girl, Natalia (not like she'll see this), had a crush on him or something and that she invited him to go to a party with him. (THIS WAS BEGINNING OF MARCH, but he does this so that both of us a sort of equal, in a weird way).
Okay, back to February.
Well, I started to cry a lot more during February because of the stress, and him as well.
Recall that I wrote this a couple of weeks ago:
I was talking to him since he called in the middle of someone's Extempt speech (which I was happily watching). Then, I was just telling him about my Impromptu speech and how it went. He, on the other hand, was fishing in the hot sun, irritated that he hasn't caught any fish. Personally, I couldn't care less.
Then, he seemed irksome and I was just tired from speaking and irritated that he called during a speech. But I was still eager to talk to him. Then, he got mad at me for not picking up my phone. I explained to him that I put my phone in my locker because an hour before, I was with V and the gang and we were practicing. Then, I told him that while I was waiting, it would be better to not have any phones at all.
He started going a bit crazy from the heat and said that why should he bother calling? It was horrible. I ended up feeling super frustrated with him. I hung up.
Then, he called again. I asked Cait to pick up, since she was there. He hung up.
After awhile, I called him back since he sent a distressing text. While talking to him, I cried. I hate it when he does that. He makes me feel like I'm at fault and I felt like I was. I probably was at fault anyways... but I forgot how.
He realized that I was crying and said that he was being the melodramatic guy and it was the stress from everything.
We slightly made up, but I felt terrible after that. I didn't feel like talking to him after that.
So I hung out with the guys more and more, they made me forget a bit about him and his little Drama moment.
But no, I didn't even consider breaking up with him or losing interest for him because I still do love him. So, even though I was in a room with a couple of guys, I didn't think one bit, "What happens if KL said he likes me?" I didn't at all.
Then, I slowly forgave him. I still didn't feel like talking to him because when I do, I felt like I was walking along a minefield. One small step, and then an eruption. I guess I sort of date myself because I can be like that too, only with my parents.
Then, I also started crying more and more, with missing my parents, and more stress with my feelings about Prawn.
Then, when I got back from IASAS, I was not in a mood to talk to him again.
I guess I was scared to make him mad, after SEA, I didn't want to talk about anything bad with him.
I hated the fact that I had to sugar-coat things between us when clearly there was something missing.
He told me not to contact him during IASAS so I didn't. In a way, I was relieve because I want to have a small break from the tension.
I had so much fun during IASAS that I forgot everyone back home, sorry Marshy.
So, during the bus ride back, I didn't really respond to any of his messages. He wrote long ones and I would reply with short ones, like "hi" "lol" or ":)"
I think he was distressed because Elle bbm-ed me and asked me what was wrong. I told her, I don't know what to say to him.
I was at the point of almost (ALMOST, like 1%) considering breaking up with him because of the way things were going.
As soon as I reached home, I called him. I had to.
The conversation started out fine. Well, not really. It was getting stale and boring. Then, it took things for the worst.
He asked me questions that I didn't know how to reply.
I started crying again because I didn't know what to do.
He asked me, "What's wrong with me?"
I didn't know what to do. I could hear him cry on the other end of the line. It was terrible.
In the end, luckily, we became stronger after that. We resolved our differences and I told him, (during my crying fit), that I wondered what happened to the conversations that we use to have before.
I guess I was getting bored or I don't know. I really didn't know what happened during February.
Okay. So I thought everything was going well as well once again. But nope. Last week, I had another crying fit. Well, it's partially my fault once again.
We were Skyping like we usually do. Then, I he asked me, "Do you know that I love you?"
I said No three times. I thought I wanted to make it into a joke. But he took me seriously. Usually, he won't, but things were a bit shaky once again between us. I don't know why once I thought about it. It was still a bit tensed.
He started crying or being sad first because he thought I didn't know. Then, all these pent up emotions stared coming out once again.
I felt horrible. I knew it was my fault.
I cried harder and he, after he stopped feeling sad, tried to comfort me.
I couldn't. I felt like the bad guy.
It was terrible.
Luckily, it was resolved once again.
I guess I have to remember what my father would always say.
"Keep calm, even under fire."
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